Last April, I found myself at a very strange point in my life. I’m not sure I even realised it myself until my Dad sat me down to discuss ‘where I was at’. I was almost two years into my undergraduate Economics degree at the University of Nottingham having already changed my course several times which had set me back a year or two more than I would have liked. By now I expected to be on my way to being a high flying business women and, instead, I still hadn’t graduated, my grades were average to poor (mainly poor) and I had absolutely no enthusiasm for what I was studying at all.
I am sure most students experience this lack of motivation at some point but this was becoming a long term problem that was not going to be fixed if I left things as they were. The reality was that I was heading for a 3rd class degree (a 2:2 if I got incredibly lucky and all mathematics was removed from all future exams…or if exams were banned full stop) in something I just had no interest in whatsoever.
To cut a long story short, the idea was discussed of speaking to a life coach in order to get an outside perspective on things. Next thing I was sipping coffee with a 20-something year old, good looking man who was saying all these philosophical things that seemed a bit airy fairy.
There was, however, one part of the conversation that particularly resonates with me that I have referred back many times since:
"If I said to you that right now is the only moment that is real in your life, would you agree?”
I looked slightly bemused as I tried to come up with something clever to say about changing paths and finding my direction. That wasn’t his point.
"You have to start to live in the present. Dwelling on the past leads to depression and worrying about the future brings on anxiety. Today we cannot change either of these things. We can only influence the present. And if we make decisions today using the best knowledge we have then you know that you will never regret that decision because you understand that you made that decision with all the knowledge you held at that time".
While some things discussed in the session (such as the above) were actually very insightful, I did come away feeling slightly bizarre, as though someone was trying to indoctrinate me in a cult-like manner. Upon mentioning this to my Dad who then researched a little further, we discovered that this guy was not in fact a life coach but a member of a cult. I didn’t return for our second meeting.
Now the sceptical side of me wanted to say this way of thinking is too reckless, that we need to plan for the possible affects of our actions. But the other side, the one trying so hard to be open minded in hope for a ‘lightbulb’ moment where I realise my direction in life, really liked this idea. Suddenly decisions are WAY less scary and things that seem like the biggest deal in the world become so much more manageable.
Inevitably this led to the melting away of decision-making-anxiety associated with the decision to leave my university. I handed in my notice of withdrawal, effective upon completion of my current year exams, and set about to find my new life plan.
So now I find myself in a very transitional stage of my life. All of my school friends are in their ‘grown-up’ jobs and are busy ironing their shirts and networking. I, on the other hand, am studying an advanced entry Marketing degree at a totally disorganised private college in London where I am actually able to concentrate, understand and even ENJOY full days of lectures but with a huge amount of spare time on my hands.
Due to my chaotic timetable I cannot commit to a part time job (although the income and social life would both be positive additions to my life at the moment). So I need something else to focus on. I have always loved fitness, cooking and the concept of healthy living but 3 years of university and a gap yah later I can’t say I’m the perfect example of any of the above. I’ve realised that this point in my life is the perfect opportunity to regain control of where I have let myself slip and make up for lifestyle mistakes I have made in the past.
I have already come a long way towards my fitness goals but there is a long way to go. I have been experimenting with food and cooking and enjoying my healthy lifestyle.
I will use this blog to record my findings and progress as I experiment, self-educate and experience new and wonderful things as I use this somewhat transitional time in my life to become the person I want to be.
